GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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