We named our party play list daddy issues
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
