yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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