apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
