If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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