i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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