Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
