FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish you could order shots online.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
