I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
