god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
