I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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