I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
