He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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