i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
