end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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