I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
