I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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