JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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