All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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