btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
