Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
