i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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