I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
