so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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