i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
