my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
