girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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