Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
