One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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