My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
