i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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