who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
