Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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