he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
