i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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