Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
