My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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