I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
