The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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