I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
