I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
