I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
