I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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