I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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