so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
