just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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