So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
