I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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