I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
