hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
