i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
