omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're like the curious george of whores
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
