woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So many bounce houses so little time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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