Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
